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Ter Her.
I want to talk, about some stuff. I love my fishes for one. =3 Yeah, my fiance got me all interested in aquarium keeping and stuff...I have three right now, but I'm gonna buy another one soon, I just have to do some 50% water changes first so that the water is absolutely clean enough for a store bought fish. The three I have now are river fish that I caught in a stream so the water is about a third river water. We think they are shiners but we aren't sure. But my tank has been growing a lot of algae lately so I'm going to go buy a Pleco to put in there to eat the algae. Hopefully they will get along fine. I'm gonna name him Hoover =3, and feed him peas, and algae wafers and lettuce and he will be happy. ^^ So yes, my three fish... I have a larger one, a medium sized one and a teeny one. The largest one (also the oldest because he looks to be full size) his named Fatass, and believe me, he lives up to his name. He's a voracious eater, he eats so much that his belly distends to twice its original size. The tiny one's name is Piglet, because he is very timid and prefers to hide in the coral all day. At one point I thought he died and the other fish ate him because I couldn't see him anywhere till he realized there was food and came out of the coral. He always waits for the food to come to him, instead of jetting up to the surface to get it like the other two. I haven't come up with a name for the mid sized one yet, perhaps you could help. He kinda just does whatever Fatass does really, only he isn't fat. Would Shadow be a good name?
But yeah, I've been very down in the dumps lately because my grandfather died on Father's Day, and I didn't even go to his funeral because my parents and I aren't talking anymore. I just can't stand to be around them, they literally are certifiably insane. Particularly my dad. He just blows up over absolutely nothing and usually takes out all his anger and frustration on me. I'm the whole family's emotional punching bag and I got tired of it. You want to throw me out because of three little fish? Thats one hundred percent fine by me, nutjobs. Not to mention he has always been this way. But he gets angry to the point of WRATH over the most trivial or random or even messed up things. He was never this mad when I forged his signature so that I could take my kitten from my teacher, but I think that was because as soon as he saw Peanut, he new we had to keep him. But there were the three isolated incidences that he has laid his hands on me in a malicious manner... lets see, there was the time three years ago that I was feeling really freakin shitty about my body and my weight and I was getting very upset and trying to talk to my mom about it, but she wasn't hearing it, so he comes and starts yelling at me, and I yell back so he picks me up and chucks me at the sofa. My rib cage hit the sofa's arm and I kinda just crumpled up on the ground because despite what he would like to think, it did actually hurt. Then there was the time, around two summers ago that I was reading an article on body image and weight and how they were linked and I wanted to show it to my mom to talk about it, but he started shouting at me and saying he didn't want to hear it and I called him crazy and ran upstairs and that made him so angry that he followed me into my room and again, picked me up, uttered some menacing words to me that I don't remember, and then threw me at my bed. Unfortunately, he missed, and my spine hit the side of the bed, and that hurt too. I ran away from home that night. A fucking jackass policeman brought me back there. And then there was the time last summer, around september that my parents were picking me up from the eating disorder unit, for my first day of partial hospitalization. I was feeling incredibly bad about my body, from all the weight I had gained and I felt terrible so I was in the backseat of they car crying. My mom just let me get it out but my dad got annoyed and told me to shut up and that he didn't want to hear it. We started shouting at each other then, and I told him he was insane and that I didn't know what I did to him or why he was acting this way and he reached behind the seat of the car and backhanded me in the face. I jumped out of the car while it was still in motion, nearly hysterical, and jumped the fence of a nearby hotel pool, overturning all the chairs there and screaming at 'god' to please, just kill me because I could not go back to my parents house, or the hospital. I was in a lose-lose situation. My dad popped his Achilles tendon chasing after me, so I suppose you could say he got his just desserts, but that didn't stop him from being a dick. Even when things were relatively 'calm' around my parents house, there was still an air of tension, anger and hostility that would never go away. It got to the point where I couldn't stand to be at home with them anymore because it was so utterly negative. Apparently, though, he does love me, because after I moved out four months ago, he started smoking again. I just, can't live with someone who constantly beats me up both physically and mentally, who is constantly shouting and arguing with my mom, though he would never hit her (I hope). But he never blows up on my little brother. Both of my parents just give Jordan whatever he wants, and even cut most of his punishments short if he behaves well enough. I honestly think its because hes "normal." He doesn't have "problems" like I do, so he's a lot less stressful to be associated with and therefore, their favorite kid. I just don't want to see any of them ever again, even though, while we were in the hospital while my Grandpa was dying, my brother told me he loved me for the first time in YEARS and I nearly started crying. The only thing I really miss right now, is not seeing my pets. I miss Peanut and Romeo and Velvet so much, I've been crying at night because I can't see them anymore and there is no sign of my father ever apologizing. They all pretty much hate me now for not going to Grandpa's funeral. The only time I will most likely ever get to see them again is in August, when they are going on vacation, and boarding Peanut, Velvet, and possibly Romeo, at my work. Its going to be a very emotional week for me, I'm sure. Peanut means so much to me, he helped me through so many bad situations just by curling up next to me and [attempting] to purr. And these aren't the only reasons I've been sad. A lot of fucked up shit has happened to me recently thats just, eating at me. It really seems like I'm just destined to live a horrible life.... *sigh*